By CAM MEIERS

Now I know you have read the title and are probably thinking “Hmmm… I don’t care about that”, but here’s the thing: you SHOULD. If there is going to be a cute little piece of metal shoved into your body that wasn’t included in the original packaging, why shouldn’t we add a little sentience to the mix?

If you don’t have a uterus, please feel free to pass this on to someone who just might so they too can experience the love one should share with their IUD. 

First, let’s think about it in a way of pet ownership. Do you name your cat? Your dog? Your fish? Now let’s think about why we name our beloved animals. The act of naming something brings us closer to it, it makes us think of our animal as an individual, and it can even be humanizing. 

If you think about an IUD’s main utility, it is to stop a baby from happening. I don’t exactly know how this part works but- no babies when you have an IUD- no questions, please. But now, think of it like this; if there was a tiny little metal guy shoved up your hoo-ha, wouldn’t you want to reward him for all of the hard work that he is doing? Part of that reward should be a name! 

I will be attaining my little guy next week and I am still workshopping some names for my own but here is a short list I have put together for you in case you need some inspiration for your little dude. Before you make a concrete decision, try it out for a little while! Let everyone know about little Adam that’s keeping the children away from your uterus. 

• Gertrude 
• Theophilus 
• Prince James the Third
• Adam 
• Burt
• Cephalopod 
• Gale 
• Tom 

Let me know what you end up naming your little dude and reach out if you need any more name suggestions, I’ll be here all week.