Lydia Williams, Contributing Writer
One afternoon after lunch, fellow Round Table member Svea and I took a stroll to the Beloit College Health and Wellness Center to see what goodies they had to offer. We were not disappointed when we came upon a bowl of free condoms(as are always available in the office). However, these were flavored. Not only normal flavors, but also the strangest flavors imaginable for not only condoms but just in general. Once we saw the Cola condom we knew we had to put our scientific minds to use and conduct an experiment.
Imagine this: five OEC members sitting in a circle on the ground with ten condoms, two of each flavor, scattered among us. Imagine a circle jerk but everyone is fully clothed and no one is enjoying themselves. The five different flavors were put in a circle and randomly chosen by the schoolyard game, “bubble gum, bubble gum in a dish.” Each condom was cut into pieces for all of us to have a piece. The following are my notes at the time of the experiment:
Grape: A strong smell of dentist’s office fluoride was released immediately after opening the wrapper. However, despite the strong smell, it had almost no discernible taste. A very disappointing start.
Cola: Arguably the strangest flavor available. Who is thinking, “Wow I really wish I tasted Coca-Cola right now!” during activities? Continuing the strangeness, it was a cream color, whereas the other flavors colors mostly made sense. The smell was inconclusive as each of us had a different idea of what it reminded us of. We could not agree if it smelled like hot dogs(ew), gummy bears(better), or soap(triggering childhood swearing punishment memories). This one did have a taste, it was a subtle gum taste. Whoever engineered this one was way off base.
Strawberry: The strongest smell of all of them, like a strawberry car sent tree. It was also a nice bright magenta color. We concluded that it tasted of grandma candy. I personally despised the taste but others were into it.
Vanilla Ice Cream: The scent of this one was on point, like a vanilla coffee wafer, very pleasant. Confusingly it was bright blue? It did not taste of vanilla per se, but it did produce a generic sweet flavor.
Mint: The mint was a forest green and had a smell of the inside of a York peppermint patty wrapper. Very close to as advertised, but where is the chocolate smell coming from? The trend continued with the taste. It reminded us all of a junior mint after all the chocolate has been sucked off.(tehe)
Here are our individual conclusions of the best flavor available:
Lydia-Mint
Bea-Grape
Aada-Vanilla
Svea-Mint
Louis- “None of them tasted worse than [REDACTED]”
Featured Image Credit: Amazon
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