By COOPER RATHMANN and EZEKIEL KINGSBURY
The votes are in, the polls are closed, and history has been made—Beloit College has crowned its ultimate campus cutie. In what some might call the most important election of our lifetimes, the student body rallied to settle the age-old question: Who has the cutest pet on campus?
This monumental decision unfolded on Instagram, courtesy of @beloitroundtable, where a fierce and fluffy battle played out among eight adorable contenders. From purr-fect felines to pups deserving of a-paws, and even a dynamic duo of guinea pigs, the contest was a showcase of fluff, personality, and pure charisma.
Among the illustrious nominees were Smokey and Bartholomew, Keira Linton’28’s two squeaky guinea pig companions; Sunkist SODA the perfect dog (who is a cat); Jessie, co-editor-in-chief Eric Seo’25’s moody yet magnificent cat; and the delightfully deranged Banana, Siona Shishak’27’s famed feline. Every pet brought their A-game, but only one could claim the coveted title of Cutie-Pie Champion.
In Round 1, the claws and paws came out. Georgia the dog charmed her way to 67% of the vote with 64 ballots cast in her favor. Willow the cat narrowly defeated another competitor with 57% of the vote, pulling in 80 supporters. Banana proved bananas-level cute, trouncing her competition with 65% of the vote. And Sunkist SODA crushed Smokey and Bartholomew with an overwhelming 74%, proving that even guinea pigs can’t compete with a confusingly named cat.
Sam Shea’25 said he “voted for Sunkist SODA because of the brand.” In Round 1, Sunkist looked pretty crazy, but the photo used in Round 2 the following day was far more professional. This came to the disappointment of Shea, who flip-flopped from his Round 1, choosing to vote for the more “brand-consistent” Banana. Indeed, Banana looked consistently crazy.
Brand Stability???
Round 2 brought even more drama. Georgia and Willow tied in the semifinals, each earning 75 votes. The tie forced the Round Table to hold a sudden-death runoff election with an expedited one-hour voting window. Georgia came out on top, earning 43 votes to Willow’s 32. Some speculated that Willow’s supporters had slept in that Friday, but regardless, Georgia proved her staying power. Meanwhile, Banana eked out a nail-biting victory over Sunkist SODA by just one vote—80 to 79—further cementing her reputation as a scrappy contender.
In the midst of all this was constant campaigning, reminiscent of a recent election cycle which we can’t quite remember the outcome of. Siona Shishak in particular was going hard on her story for her dear Banana, but all was for naught. In the finals, Georgia the dog handily destroyed Banana, receiving 73 votes, 22 more than Banana. Georgia’s victory was decisive, but the race had been anything but predictable.
“I’m incredibly dismayed,” Siona said, shaking her head. “I fear we may need a recount. I think it was stolen by impostors from other countries. The Russians probably voted and rigged the election.” Banana the cat seemed to share her owner’s sentiment, letting out a defiant “Meow”—a sound Siona translated as, “It was definitely the Russians.” When asked if she thought Georgia was cute enough to deserve the win, Siona didn’t hold back. “No,” she declared. “Georgia is a total freak weirdo.”
That awkward moment when Banana realizes she’s not winning this
When the dust settled, it was clear that this was more than a mere competition. Smokey and Bartholomew reminded us that good things sometimes come in small, squeaky packages. Sunkist SODA proved that you don’t need to be a dog to exude dog-level charm. Willow brought an air of feline sophistication, while Banana’s eccentric antics left everyone in stitches. And Georgia? Georgia embodied the kind of unfiltered joy that makes life just a little brighter, despite whatever Siona says.
The Cutie-Pie Championship may be over, but the memories—not the Instagram stories—will last forever. Until next year, Beloit. May the cutest pet always win.
Real quick, Vivian Kopka’27 tied us up with a rope and demanded we write that she was cheated out of Scout (the dog) being part of the competition. Unfortunately, she sent her Scout pics to the wrong person and is blaming this on us instead of herself. She thinks that “Scout represents the silent majority of America.”
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