By VIVIAN KOPKA
I keep hearing about how hooking up is empowering. No, it’s not! You can’t just throw out a line, catch a beautiful one, then throw her away like it never happened! The memory stays with her. You may think it’s perfectly fine, but hookup culture kills.
Hookup culture is inhumane. It leaves the fish with a gaping hole in their mouth. I wish there were other ways to fish without hurting the fish.
Everyone always says, “I’m in my hoe phase and I need a hookup.” GIRL! The fuck does hoeing dirt have to do with fish?
Not to mention those sweet little worms that spend their whole lives in a container, sitting in the fridge in some mid life crisis bait shop.
I scroll through my Hinge and I see countless men (never the women, though. Interesting. Take note of this.) holding big ass fish by the hook, like their hookup is impressing me. No one has ever thought, wow, I bet that fish is the size of his penis! Get it off my screen. You would never put a hook in a dog’s mouth, why are you flexing your reign of death on the aquatic species? Then you have the audacity to put in your bio open to a long term relationship? Girl, I see the way you show off your fish like a trophy, I know damn well I don’t want you showing me off like that. ESPECIALLY, if you think you’re tricking people into thinking the D game is better than it is.
It is simply absurd to hide behind this mask of peace and calm when you fish. Sure, getting on a boat with your boys, or even maybe your dad–eyes foggy and dreams merging with reality–sounds nice. But, to ignore the war and bloodshed that happens just below the surface is simply privileged.
I bet because you fish you think you’re better than everyone else. You think you’re stoic. I bet you even fantasize about getting lost, growing a beard, and living off the waves. Chill bro. You just harm fish as a hobby. The water is too dirty to eat the fish anyways, just stop causing these kind creatures harm.
Featured Image: Vivian Kopka’27
Leave a Reply