By KATHERINE EKMAN
While college students face many different obstacles and challenges, there’s one universal quest we all share: finding the best places to poop. Whether you’re new on campus or a 5th-year/honors team student, searching for the ideal spot is an ongoing adventure. As a Senior at Beloit College who poops often, I am qualified to tell you the best and worst places to poop on campus. Here is my list of the three best and worst places to go number two at Beloit College.
The Last Resort – Commons’ Bathroom in Chapin
Luckily for them, the freshmen do not understand the legacy of the Common’s lobby bathroom. Not only were these bathrooms dirty, but you always had to use them in the most dire times. There is a large window facing the Chapin Quad which evokes a feeling of vulnerability while you are doing your deed. While this aspect is bad, there is nothing worse than remembering the atrocities that have happened there before. Students with stomachs full of a post-commons shit run to this bathroom, leaving the space demolished.
Scared but Willing – TKE Third-Floor Bathroom
While everyone loves the TKE brothers, the third-floor bathroom is not the most pleasant. When I find myself in TKE, it is typically for a party or beer pong tournament, which means the bathroom is full of other intoxicated students. The bathroom also has some standard frat house elements, like piss on the seat, underwear hung up on the hook, and Devin Borg’s hair dryer. It’s truly a sensory experience that you will want to forget.
Mid but Better – Powerhouse Single-Stall Bathrooms
The powerhouse single-stall bathrooms offer a nice secluded place to go to the bathroom. The main flaw with these is the fact that it randomly flushes while you are sitting and there is a constant threat of people knocking. You may hear a knock or a passerby as you are relieving yourself, which can be a bit of a turn-off. These restrooms are usually clean despite the foot traffic with the new dining hall location. The biggest offense is the mid-poop automatic flush.
Worth the Hike – Hendrick’s Center Studio Two Bathroom
This place is a hidden gem. It’s clean, quiet, and far from the chaos of campus life. It is clean and secluded, and you don’t have to worry about people bothering you. It even has a locker to store all of your goodies! The sink in this bathroom has the worst water pressure, which is a downfall for the post-poop wash.
Second Best – 609 Gender Neutral Bathroom
This may be controversial, but for a while, this bathroom was my favorite on campus. I lived in 609 my freshman year and it never failed me, unless Steven Hall‘25 was sitting in there watching TikTok for an hour. This bathroom will always have a special place in my heart. The other 609 bathrooms are well-loved as well. Steven Hall‘25 says “I like the two-stall men’s bathroom because you can be pooping and your buddy can be pooping next to you. Pooping and convoluting if you will.” This is not my motive when I need to poop but I really respect the camaraderie that is fostered in that building.
The Holy Grail – The Single Stall Library Bathrooms
This is a newer bathroom that came with the library renovation last year, and thank God it did. It is secluded, quiet, and in a central location. Ava Parr’25, self-proclaimed library’s best worker said, “Name a better place to take a shit than the newly renovated library at 7:30 AM after the housekeepers just cleaned it. I’m destroying all their hard work and that bathroom. For real though, please don’t vape in there, guys. If I hear the fire alarm go off again, I’m charging you all for printing.” Go take a dump but do not hit that damn geek bar.
Featured Image: Vivian Kopka’27
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