By EZEKIEL KINGSBURY
Now that I am leaving, it is very important to me that certain people are appreciated and paid their dues. These are people who have fundamentally made my life better and who Beloit would be worse without.
Diane. You probably already know her. When she rings you up at DK’s, she says, “You can swipe now, honey,” in a soothing tone that makes you feel like your exam maybe didn’t go that poorly. Since I started working at DK’s, she has brought so much more love into my life. Also she is kind of mean sometimes in a really funny way. Like she’ll roast you so hard. The other day she said I was “Not halal at all.”
Dorrene. Diane’s little sister. She brings some spunk that Beloit is very much in need of. She will make you laugh so hard, and then she’ll laugh along with you. She also roasts people. She and Diane got sister tattoos recently, and they’re awesome. Pick you trash off your tables to make their lives easier.
Dorlean. Lot of D names, huh? This girl is loca. Boy can she bit. She is too funny for her own good. One time, I watched her press the elevator call button, wait for it to come down, watch the doors open and shut, wait 30 seconds, and do it again. She is the hardest working housekeeper (LISTEN UP, ADMIN!). I love her.
Victoria. Just a total sweetheart. It’s confusing because she’s super nice to customers and then she turns to me and attacks my fit. But it’s deserved. I’ll miss you, girl.
Koutnik. Gregory Koutnik fundamentally changed my life. I don’t know if he did it on purpose, but he shaped my intellectual development in such a profound way that I can say with confidence that I would be a less informed, worse person were it not for him. He is the smartest guy I’ve ever met.
Renee. I think Renee technically works in maintenance, but I am not sure. Last year we wanted to make our hallway less fluorescent white so we broke the lights. When Renee saw this, she wasn’t even mad! She fixed it but left it just unfixed enough that the fluorescent beams weren’t as terrible. Also she hugs good.
Burwell. He’s already gone, but old Fred is a gem. I miss his beard. I miss his sage wisdom.
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