Top 10 Chuck Tingle Books Based On Title Alone

By ALIVIA RENTERIA

An astronaut is stationed on a remote planet for a year-long terraforming operation. He believes that he is alone, until a strange velociraptor hottie arrives at his door. Is this technically bestiality? Yeah, probably. I’d rather not think about those implications.

9. “Pounded in the Butt by My Own Butt”

A scientist in a cloning lab breaks a whole lot of lab safety rules. With the combination of that scientist’s own brain, butt, and… a hawk for some reason, he creates his own perfect lover: a flying, sentient butt. This is the most selfcest I’ve seen since the rise of the Onceler fandom after the release of The Lorax in 2012 and, you know what, props to this guy for being confident in his own ass.

8. “My Billionaire Triceratops Craves Gay Ass”

This one is an absolute roller coaster. A guy’s pet dinosaur goes off to pursue his dreams as a dancer. When the two meet again years later, the now wealthy dinosaur falls back into love with his ex-owner(?). I’m scared of this book, but the dinosaur wears a top hat and monocle so that’s pretty cool.

7. “Living Inside My Own Butt For Eight Years, Starting A Business And Turning A Profit Through Common Sense Reinvestment And Strategic Targeted Marketing”

A guy gets into a car accident and, because of the amazing in-universe healthcare system that bears no resemblance to our own, is forced to rent out his butt as a real estate investment. He and his business partner grow their relationship alongside their vineyard in this guy’s asscheeks. I highly suggest checking this one out yourself, because there is no way I can fully explain the logistics behind this story.

6. “Pounded In The Butt By My Handsome Sentient Library Card Who Seems Otherworldly But In Reality Is Just A Natural Part Of The Priceless Resources Our Library System Provides”

A beautiful and well-articulated criticism of the impending obsolescence of physical libraries in the modern day. And a man being pounding by a gay sentient library card, of course.

5. “My Ass Is Haunted By The Gay Unicorn Colonel”

A ghost hunter is searching for his long lost unicorn lover. He finds a ghost who claims to have information on his dead unicorn colonel. Ghost anal and a weirdly plot-driven story ensue.

4. “Bigfoot Pirates Haunt My Balls”

When a Bigfoot pirate is killed off the coast of Santa Monica, a man begins to experience strange throbbing in his balls. They’re haunted. By bigfoot pirates. This leads to what is described in the book’s summary as a “bigfoot ghost pirate gangbang.” I feel like I need to take out my eyes and run them under some cold water, as a little treat.

3. “Bisexual Mothman Mailman Makes A Special Delivery In Our Butts”

A married couple brings some spice back into their relationship by bringing in their handsome mothman mailman. Bi erasure? I hardly know her! This story of love and package delivery are definitely worth the read if you’re into that kind of thing. I know I sure ain’t.

2. “Domald Tromp Pounded In The Butt By The Handsome Russian T-Rex Who Also Peed On His Butt And Then Blackmailed Him With The Videos Of His Butt Getting Peed On”

2017. This book was published almost nine years ago. The story is essentially what is described in the title, with the addition of the fact that the T-Rex was a prostitute hired by Domald Tromp (characters in this book are legally distinct and any resemblance to real people is entirely coincidental).

1. “Absolutely No Thoughts Of Pounding During My Fun Day With This Kind T-Rex Because I’m Aromantic And Asexual And That’s A Wonderfully Valid Way Of Proving Love Is Real”

The two main characters spend the duration of the story overcoming common romance tropes and building a great platonic relationship. This book actually holds a lot of importance to me. I am able to relate to the narrative because I, too, am a sentient T-Rex.

Featured image: Betty Cavicchia’28