Top 5 BEST and WORST Bathrooms on Campus…

I originally wrote an article on this topic freshman year but I can’t find it so I am revisiting it with more knowledge than I previously had.

Imagine this: you ate slightly pink chicken from commons because nothing else seemed okay to eat. Where should you run for the most pleasant food poisoning experience?

1. Powerhouse single stalls: an obvious answer. Easy access, loads of space, and single stalls! What more can you ask for? The biggest downside is that people cannot stop knocking on the door sometimes.
2. Morse Library bathrooms: wow, just, wow. Honestly, what an upgrade from what they used to be. A nice room to yourself to suffer from the torture of food poisoning. As a plus, you can chill in the relaxation room and have a foot bath in between sessions.
3. Maurer Link bathroom: from my experience this bathroom is always vacant. Maybe this has changed in the past three years but I doubt it now that Commons in Chapin (R.I.P.) has closed. Not single stall but delightfully empty and fully stocked even if the sinks are rusty.
4. Pearsons 3rd floor bathrooms: always empty, much like the Maurer Link bathroom. The cons are the stalls are tiny and everytime I use them I get a hot flash. However, it is still worth it for the privacy I think. 
5. Moore Townhouses bathrooms: okay, this is not an open access bathroom, but truly the best place on campus to get food poisoning is Apartment K in Moore. Absolutely fantastic bathroom. It’s very spacious and the toilet is far from the door. The best part is that it has a very loud fan to mask all the noises you make… Honestly would be number 1 if it were available to everyone.

Okay, now we have to discuss the worst 5 bathrooms to get sick in… If you have ever experienced these bathrooms while ill, I am so sorry.

5. Aldrich bathrooms: while they aren’t the worst of the freshman bathrooms, they have absolutely no privacy. Freshman year someone opened the shower curtain on me despite me obviously being in there and I’m still peeved.

4. Brannon bathrooms: way too humid. Never been in those bathrooms when they were dry. What a nightmare to be ill in them! I think I would actually pass out.

3. Bushnell/Blaisdell bathrooms: never any privacy. Doors are always wide open! The floor is always wet! Worst of all, the stalls are fucking tiny. I shudder to imagine someone trying to shower while you’re sick.

2. All frat bathrooms: so gross. The amount of usage during parties is extra disgusting. One time I saw mushrooms growing out of the bathroom floor of a frat. I’m not naming names but…

1. Neese Theater: fucking hell, I have never pissed in a worse place. Not only will the building kill you from exposure to whatever the hell is in the walls, but the bathrooms are so rank. The first time I used them I saw a dead roach and I often saw very alive bugs. If you want to have a silverfish crawl next to you while you puke, this would be the ideal place.

HONORABLE MENTION: The real worst place to be ill on campus is THE FUCKING HALLWAY OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT. WHOEVER SHIT THEMSELVES IN OUR HALLWAY I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL PUBLISH AN EXPOSE ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!! You are a disgusting pervert.

Image credit: Betty Cavicchia’28