By CLAIRE WINTER
5. The fifth-floor Science Center elevator entrance. This one is frequented mainly by people trying to get onto the roof, make out, and/or the poor maintenance workers who have to keep setting up and rearranging every single piece of furniture in the atrium for whatever bullshit event the college has decided to host in hopes of more money. 4/10, probably wouldn’t last a full day.
4. 609. It’s not that people wouldn’t find your body at 609, it’s just that between the lack of air conditioning and the lack of…everything else in 609, residents would either assume you lived there, or that it was part of some half-hearted attempt by the college to make their living there a more palatable experience and move on. 6/10 I give it a solid two days before your body is called in.
3. Campbell Hall. This one is in slightly bad taste, but the evidence holds up. Also, people tend to forget it exists otherwise. And who doesn’t love a sequel horror story? 7/10
2. The basement of Eaton Chapel. Between the presumably black mold, asbestos, the massive fans blowing to air out the black mold and asbestos, and the soundproofed practice rooms, someone could murder you and dump the body without anyone noticing a thing until…well, I actually have no idea how long it would take. I don’t attend services there, but presumably, someone would notice in a very non-denominational manner then. 8/10 would probably take 5-7 business days.
1. On top of the mounds. People would notice immediately, but nobody can actually step on them to go get your body. 9/10, flawless logic.
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