By EZEKIEL KINGSBURY

I am the first to hate Beloit College. From the “schools” initiative to the Edgewood partnership to the newly refurbished modern and soul-sucking library, my existence is antithetical to the corporatized aesthetic the administration is quickly making manifest across campus. But wow. I gotta give it to them. They did win with the new Commons. 

That first Monday night, I was conflicted. As I navigated the new labyrinth of food and treats, I was disturbed by my lack of knowledge. Being a senior, I feel a sense of power in that I know this campus. I know its nooks and crannies, and I like watching freshmen struggle and feel lost. It feels good. But suddenly, everybody was on an equal playing field. This was unnerving. I wanted to hate the food. I really wanted to hate the food. But as I ate that egg roll, even this eternal cynic had to face the fact that it was much, much better than the Commons of Chapin. 

Granted, this is not the first time that Commons has been really good. Every first week since forever, the food is amazing, seemingly to deter freshmen from immediately dropping out, so I was not ready to fully hand my hat to new Commons, as it too might just be a lie. But as the days went on, as Warm Cookie Wednesday (the worst day of the week) passed, I realized that the quality just might be here to stay. 

Granted, it is not more convenient. Walking across that windy bridge makes me want to kill myself. Everybody who is slamming medicine balls on the ground while I’m trying to eat can lick my hole. And it is loud. It is so, so loud. If you bring in a big bad group of boys, good luck hearing what they are trying to say even two seats down from you. 

But it is, unfortunately, just better. They brought the big plates back, and the special dishes (the not-hamburger and fries entrees) are no longer a daily gamble. I do not dread the post-Commons poop. Seeing Eric Boynton with his crazy ass mutts each Monday as he makes his rounds brings a smile to my face. And it is way easier to sneak in, which means way more free food. So that’s awesome. 

However, one thing does disturb me. In old Commons, there was a clear social divide. The Bucs sat on one side, and the Beloiters sat on the other. This was awesome for me. I could hang out with my big bad boys and not have to worry about an English major listening in on my convo. I got to watch my beautiful baseball team stack too many cups on top of each other and watch them all fall down. It was ideal. I have been a right-side Commons guy since day one, and I love it. But this divide no longer exists. Nobody knows where to go anymore. The jocks are sitting with the geeks, and I worry this could end poorly. What is going to happen when a CRIS major is forced to witness one of my boys do an awesome backflip? President Eric Boynton, I am warning you. Keep an eye out. 

I hate giving the administration a win, but they have secured this one. Congratulations, Boynton, you have transformed the awful, disgusting, revolting, and vile Powerhouse into a hub of social activity. Those pinball machines in the basement have never seen more use. 

Featured Image: Vivian Kopka’27