By QUINN ANNIS
If you’re anything like me (hungry), then you might have considered what the best possible route is to get to the Powerhouse. Or maybe you’re going there to exercise, in which case you’re not like me. Either way, you’re a busy person and you’ve got places to be. You can’t be in two places at once; the best you’re gonna get is efficiency. But if you’re headed to the Powerhouse, how efficient can you actually be?
Fortunately for you, I’ve done the research. Using a stopwatch and repeating several possible routes three times, I’ve found the average amount of time it takes to traverse each one. (It is important to note that these are my times and may vary from yours. I am, as Sam McCullough’29 put it, “tall and lanky.” Also, after I asked if I could quote them, they said I was “faster than the average horse.” I’m fairly sure that’s not true, unless horse breeding has really fallen off since last time I checked.)
To make this simple, we’ll be starting from the Wall. I’m also going to stipulate that this is to be done entirely on foot. Biking is, of course, faster, but I don’t actually know where you rent the bikes from and I don’t want to ask anyone. And, lastly, I’ll say only paved surfaces: no cutting across the grass.
From the Wall, there’s really only two paths that bear considering. The first is heading up to pass between Whitney and Aldrich, and then crossing the parking lot. The second is taking a diagonal past Porter, then turning right and walking beside the field until you reach the more direct path to the Powerhouse that merges into the beginning of the bridge.
We’ll start with the former, going between Whitney and Aldrich, since that’s the route I normally take. Traveling at what I’d call a medium pace, somewhere between a saunter and a power walk, this route clocks in at an average of 2 minutes, 51 seconds, assuming you keep to the paths. I ended the timer at the Powerhouse bridge, since there’s no reason the time to cross it should change, but I’ve added back the average time it took me to cross to the final count (a minute and four seconds, in case you’re wondering.) I’ll be doing the same for the rest of the times here.
2:51 is fine. But we can do better. First of all, instead of taking the path to the parking lot, you can save time by using the stairs that lead down to Aldrich. You can walk down the stairs and then climb back up again on the other side, but, to be frank, that’s loser shit. We’re optimizing here. Instead, walking along the bank of the staircase keeps you level and means you don’t have to waste any of your precious time climbing steps. It is a little narrow, so don’t fall.
With this adjustment, our time becomes 2:42. Nine seconds saved. That’s not the only shortcut we can employ, though; instead of taking the stairs down from the Wall, you can pass under the Whitney columns and cut across the bike lot. That brings the time down to 2:37. Doing both, I got a time of 2:34. That’s 17 seconds shorter than what we started with.
What about the other path? Well, doing that one without any shortcuts took me 2:54. So it’s worse. It might be faster if you’re starting from farther away — partway down College Street, maybe — but from the Wall it loses out.
This one is a little trickier to improve on. There’s not a lot of stuff on this route; it’s pretty much just a straight shot. But there is something we can do. Instead of going left or right, you can travel through a higher spatial dimension. By which I mean, go through Porter. If you head down past the Res Life office and leave through the back door, you can just barely eke out a better time. With my ID ready to scan as soon as I reached the door, this route averaged 2:50 — four seconds shorter than going around.
There’s two drawbacks to this route. If you’re walking fast, or running, you might actually lose time, since you have to stop to open the doors. Also, you can’t go back in through the other side of Porter, so it only works one way.
Unfortunately, this is the best I can do. As it turns out, the ideal route is about what I expected: between Whitney and Aldrich, 2 minutes and 34 seconds. It looks like for now, we’re destined for temporal mediocrity: a mere 17 seconds saved. That’s not nothing, though. Assuming you’re on campus every day of the school year except for breaks, and you walk to and from the Powerhouse twice a day for a total of four times, you’ll end up with roughly 109 extra minutes.
I did spend like two hours doing all the walking for this, so I’ve still lost time. But with my valiant sacrifice, you can rest assured that you know the best possible use of your own time. No need to thank me. I know I’m a hero.
Featured image: Quinn Annis’29
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