By ELISA TURNER
I’ll admit it. When I first saw Randi Mogul’s email about the campus-wide Halloween dorm door decorating competition, I was pessimistic. Surely no one would participate, I thought foolishly. But with crumbs of faith, I trudged through the dorms in search of spooky paraphernalia adorning dorm doors. Here are some of my personal favorites.
Let me preface this by saying the following: I do not have access to the ResLife spreadsheet. I am unaware of every decorated dorm on campus, so there may be superior door adornments which went unseen by my eyes. I found these dorms by psychotically traversing the campus and creepily taking pictures of cool doors. That being said: Oh my God Jesus Christ WHY does 609 smell like that. Either I had a stroke entirely contained within my visit to 609 (odds are low but never zero) or someone’s rancid vomit is festering next to the mildew ridden laundry machines. I could physically feel my cells stop producing ATP when I inhaled that godawful 609 air. Also they had no decorated doors so my suffering was pointless. Invest in an ozone machine please, that dorm is a hazard to all respiring life. Thank you. Let’s get into the doors.
Coming in dead fucking last from the third floor of Maurer, we have a door with “6 7” written in falling sticky notes and a dangly lil’ skeleton ghoul guy. The only reason this door even makes the list is because so few people participated here. The joke is dead and not in a spooky scary skeleton way because I KNOW one of you devil’s advocate assholes will try and pass it off as that. This joke is dead, rancid, and festering like whatever mammalian carcass is in the 609 walls.
Up next on the second floor of Aldrich with some spooky scary tinsel that shimmers and shines with delight. Truly a little tiny joy in this bleak world. Freshmen dorms are always shrouded in bright-eyed hopeful energy. This door encapsulates such spirit. And it ranks above the “6 7” door.
Also on the second floor of Aldrich: the spiderweb door with a yellow “No Trespassing” sign. The primary reason this fucks so hard is because of the implication that hunting, fishing, trapping, or tresspassing for any purpose would occur within the four walls of a Beloit College freshman dorm.
In the basement of 815, there is so much spooky on one door. Purple spiderwebs and skeletons galore, cauldrons and cats and lanterns-o-jack, this door was dipped in the essence of Spirit Halloween and has that funky frightening drip.
And now, before our top pick, the honorable mentions:
This bathroom sign in Wood horrifies me. Like the Michelin man and the Hamburger Helper icon fused into a nonbinary icon to deeply unsettle any would-be gender neutral pissers.
This decor on Haven’s second floor embodies the spooky season perfectly, but it is unfortunately not a door. It is gorgeous though.
At the very top of this list, however, is on the first floor of Aldrich. Two skeletons hold hands surrounded by flowers as a witch blesses their union. Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic, but I shed a tear at this. Their bones lie in rest and hang in despair together. Their flesh is gone but their love is alive and the flowers arch over them, perhaps as a wedding arch or to adorn a shared grave. They love regardless. Thank you dear decorator of Aldrich first floor.
Featured Image: Elisa Turner’27
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