Ella Diers, Editor-in-Chief

Recently, Randi Mogul, director of ResLife, sent out a reminder email about smoking (presumably cigarettes). Mogul quoted from Page 18 of my personal favorite piece of literature, the Beloit Student Handbook:

“In keeping with the Beloit Statement of Culture, smokers should be aware of their surroundings and be respectful of others’ rights to clean air, particularly on walking paths during congested times and in front of Commons, Coughy Haus, the library and Pearsons Hall. No smoking is allowed on sidewalks.”

“Smoking is not permitted within fifteen feet of doors and windows of all College buildings, with the exception of specifically designated smoking areas. This limit will be marked in high-traffic areas.”

Mogul also included in the email, “If a person asks you to please move away from the front doors of Residence Halls, kindly respect their request as this is not the designated fifteen feet away, thank you.”

I think I should be able to smoke wherever I want to. I should be able to light up a Lucky Strike in the middle of Commons during weekend brunch. What’s better than a hungover cigarette and a cup of hot, black coffee? Nothing. There’s nothing better than that. 

I should also be able to smoke outside and inside of C-Haus, especially by the pool table. You can’t tell me that I wouldn’t look chic as hell with a cigarette in my mouth while I sail the cue ball directly off the table, missing every single billiard ball and taking out a window with one shot. 

I also think I’d look awesome smoking and hanging out at the C-Haus bar. Maybe I’ll invest in one of those sexy, Breakfast at Tiffany’s-style cigarette holders, and act like I’m the leading lady in a film noir detective movie. Maybe I’ll develop a Mid-Atlantic accent to really sell it. 

CELEB is another place that would be awesome if we could smoke, especially in the broadcast studio. You can live out your tortured film producer fantasies by yelling at everyone over your headset while aggressively taking pulls from a sweet, sweet Marlboro Red. You would be so powerful. 

You could also fulfill your dreams of being an edgy, indie college student and smoke in the  WBCR studio. Imagine yapping away over the radio, playing Radiohead, and filling your lungs with tobacco and nicotine. Doesn’t that sound awesome? 

In conclusion, smoking is cool and I should be allowed to blow second-hand smoke into the air ducts.